A prayer for New Year's Eve

Another year is dawning
With the chance to start anew.
May I be kinder, wiser, Lord,
In all I say and do.

Not so caught up in selfish gain
That I would fail to see
The things in life that mean the most
Cost not a fancy fee.

The warm, kind word that I can give,
The outstretched hand to help,
The prayers I pray for those in need--
More precious these than wealth.

I know not what may lie ahead
Of laughter or of tears;
I only need to know each day
That You are walking near.

I'm thankful for this brand new year
As now I humbly pray,
My hand secure in Yours, dear Lord,
Each step along the way.

                                                                       - Kay Hoffman -

TFTD - He will shout until you hear

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

                                                                                         - C.S. Lewis -

TFTD - With, not for

"I find the doing of the will of God leaves me no time for disputing about His plans."

                                                                               - George Macdonald -

"Always remember that, every time you step out of your comfort zone, you step into God's comfort zone."

                                                                               - Mark Cahill -

And, as a very wise woman said to me recently, "Instead of trying to work for God, try working with Him and see what a difference it makes!"

*With apologies for the recent disruption. Normal service will now resume :)

The day breaks and the shadows flee this Christmas time

"I salute you. I am your friend, and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not already; but there is much, very much, which though I cannot give it, you can take. No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven. No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this precious little instant. Take peace. The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and courage in the darkness could we but see it; and to see, we have only to look. Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their coverings, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, and wisdom, and power. Welcome it, greet it, and you touch the angel's hand that brings it.

Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there, the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing Presence. Our joys, too, be not content with them as joys. They, too, conceal diviner gifts. Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty beneath its covering, that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then, to claim it, that is all! But courage you have, and the knowledge that we are pilgrims wending through unknown country our way home.

And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you, not quite as the world sends greeting, but with profound esteem now and forever.

The day breaks and the shadows flee away."

-This old Christmas greeting from a letter written between 1387-1455 by Giovanni da Fiesole (Fra Angelico)

TFTD - Always there

"We need never shout across the spaces to an absent God. He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts."

                                                            - A. W. Tozer -

Keep Christmas Within

Then let every heart keep Christmas within:

Christ's pity for sorrow,

Christ's hatred for sin,

Christ's care for the weakest,

Christ's courage for right.

Everywhere, everywhere,

Christmas tonight!

                                                   - Bishop Phillips Brooks -

(From Everywhere. Everywhere Christmas Tonight, a Christmas carol)

Postcards from God #6

TFTD - How much?

TFTD - Made with love

“You weren't an accident. You weren't mass produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the earth by the Master Craftsman.” 

                                                  - Max Lucado, The Christmas Candle -

“If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning... Face it, friend. He is crazy about you! ” 

        

                                                                  - Max Lucado -

The first hint of Christmas :)

"And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth, to a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that are highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast her mind in what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And behold, thou shalt conceive in they womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David: and he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end."

                                                                         (Luke 1:26-33, KJV)

TFTD - love letters

"We are all pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world."

                                                                                 - Mother Theresa -

TFTD - One day, you will be amazed

"You have been created by God and for God, and someday you will stand amazed at the simple yet profound ways He has used you even when you weren't aware of it."


                                                                                                           - Kay Arthur -

Postcards from God #5

TFTD

"Be careful how you live; you will be the only Bible some people ever read."

                                                                                - William Toms -

TFTD -No way to lose

"I mean you can’t lose in this game. You can’t go wrong. It’s not part of the plan. There’s no way not to get where you are going. There’s no way to miss your destination. If God is your target, you’re in luck, because God is so big, you can’t miss."

                                                            - Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God -

Lord, You've got the love I need to see me through

Sometimes I feel like

throwing my hands up in the air.

I know I can count on You. 

Sometimes I feel like saying

"Lord I just don't care", 

but You've got the love I need

to see me through.

Sometimes it seems that

the going is just too rough,

and things go wrong

no matter what I do.

Now and then I feel

that life is just too much, 

but You've got the love I need

to see me through.

When food is gone

You are my daily meal;

when friends are gone

I know my Saviour's love is real.

Your love is real.

Every once in a while

I say "Lord I can't go on"; 

every once in a while

I get to feeling blue;

every once in a while

it seems like I am all alone, 

but You got the love I need

to see me through.

Occasionally 

my thoughts are brave and friends are few.

Occasionally

I cry out "Lord what must I do?"

Occasionally

I call out "Master make me new" - 

You've got the love I need 

to see me through.

Sometimes I feel like

throwing my hands up in the air.

I know I can count on You. 

Sometimes I feel like saying

"Lord I just don't care", 

but You've got the love I need

to see me through.

* You Got the Love, The Source feat. Candi Staton

TFTD

"To take all that we are and have and hand it over to God may not be easy; but it can be done; and when it is done, the world has in it one less candidate for misery."

                                                                                        - Paul Scherer -

A Psalm of Life

Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Finds us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solenm main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labour and to wait.

                                               - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow -


*The further on I get in my life and in my journey, the more this poem means to me. It says everything I want to say and more; it's everything I try for.

TFTD -Which do you feed the most?

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, 'The one I feed the most.'"

                                                                                   - George Bernard Shaw -

TFTD - Never too far

"Your best days are never so good that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace."

                                                                                             - Unknown -

Thank the Lord for that!

I don't know where I'm going, but I know I'm not alone

Many of you will already be familiar with the prayer below, but it helps me to be reminded of it from time to time, and I hope it will bring something of value to you. Before writing this post, I said a short prayer, as I often do, to ask for guidance. And it came to me very strongly that I needed to post this prayer. I wouldn't ordinarily make you share my thought process for the sake of a "quote post", but I think someone reading this needs to be reading it at this time; and I think that person needs to know that there was intent behind this prayer being up on this day, even if the intent wasn't exactly mine!

So, whatever is going on with you, know that you are not alone. If you are anything like me, i.e. remotely human, then chances are you do feel that way sometimes, even if you know that's not true. Aside from the people who love you, God is always there beside you, and with you in whatever it is that's going on in your life. I sometimes feel distant from God, especially if I've been struggling with something for a long time. But I am learning to be mindful that even if I feel distant from God, He is always close to me. God doesn't distance himself from me, I put up walls and dull my sense of Him. Notice I don't say that I distance myself from Him. I believe that no matter how hard you try to push Him away, no matter how impregnable your fortress seems, God is always there with you. That's the point of Him. He loves us too much to leave us as we are, but He does love us as we are. He is endlessly loving, and endlessly patient, and He will wait until we turn to Him. Until we turn and see Him there, and realise  that He has always been there, He is ever with us, and He will never leave us. 

The Merton Prayer

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust in you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. (Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude", Part Two, Chapter II)

TFTD - Keep Calm and Have Faith

"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."

                                                                           - Saint Augustine -

"He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly."

                                                                           - B.C. Forbes -

*Image: Roisin O'Farrell

Being the Beloved

“Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody." ... [My dark side says,] I am no good... I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” 

                                     - Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular world - 

TFTD - Tend your lamp

"Don’t think that love, to be true, has to be extraordinary. What is necessary is to continue to love. How does a lamp burn, if it is not by the continuous feeding of little drops of oil? When there is no oil, there is no light and the bridegroom will say: “I do not know you”. Dear friends, what are our drops of oil in our lamps? They are the small things from every day life: the joy, the generosity, the little good things, the humility and the patience. A simple thought for someone else. Our way to be silent, to listen, to forgive, to speak and to act. That are the real drops of oil that make our lamps burn vividly our whole life. Don’t look for Jesus far away, He is not there. He is in you, take care of your lamp and you will see Him.”

                                                                                                      - Mother Teresa - 

*Image credit

"Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow."

                                                                    - Norman Vincent Peale -

TFTD

"The face of Christ does not indeed show us everything, but it shows us the one thing we need to know - the character of God. God is the God who sent Jesus."

                                                                                         - P Carnegie Simpson -

TFTD

"How often does God ask us to step into the water before He will part it? Many times that's all He is waiting for - for you and me to get our feet wet."

                                                                                          - Bonnie Ricks -

TFTD

"Come live in my heart and pay no rent."

                                                                  - Samuel Loven -

TFTD

"The brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks."

                                                            - Unknown -

TFTD - Just the way you are

"God made you as you are in order to use you as He planned."

                                               
                                                                                           - S. C. McAuley -

TFTD

"God often gives in one brief moment that which he has for a long time denied."

                                                                                - Thomas Kempis -

TFTD

"You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime."

                                                                                                 - Dale Carnegie -

TFTD - You are part of the plan

"The Talmud says that whosoever saves one life, it is counted as if he saved the entire world. Someone out there needs you. I don't know how or when."

                                                                           - Avrum Bluming -

TFTD - David and Goliath

"The army of Israel looked at Goliath through the eyes of man and said, 'He's too big to beat.' David looked at him through the eyes of God and said, 'He's too big to miss."

                                                                                             - Wally Carter -


*Image: Osmar Schindler, David und Goliath

TFTD

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there was within me an invincible summer."

                                                                              _ Albert Camus -

TFTD - I've got you, babe

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

TFTD - raison d'etre

"The determining factor of my existence is no longer my past. It is Christ's past."
                                                             
                                                                          - Sinclair Ferguson -

TFTD

"Trust God for great things; with your five loaves and two fishes, He will show you a way to feed thousands."

                                                                    - Horace Bushnell -

They make my heart sing

For a wonderful start to your week, play this video! These amazing people are the Soweto Gospel Choir, and in this particular clip, they are singing Oh Happy Day, a song I have always loved. The SGC are a 52-strong choir that was formed purely to celebrate the power of gospel music, particularly African gospel. They are dedicated to sharing the joy of faith through music, and that is exactly what they do. It is impossible not to feel God, and therefore joy, in the room when they perform. They are uplifting, not just because of the beauty and exhilaration of their music, but because of what they stand for. Their repertoire is sung in English, but also in six of South Africa's eleven official languages - a labour of love, faith and unity. I've been listening to them pretty much since they first performed at a 46664 concert for Nelson Mandela in 2003, and I was lucky enough to see them live in Singapore a couple of Christmases ago. 

I've been living in London for the last 10 years, but I spend every Christmas in Singapore with my grandmother. I have never missed one, and as she gets older, each Christmas is that much more precious.  On the 21st of December 2009, I arrived at Changi Airport and phoned her as usual to let her know I'd landed. She has always been waiting by the phone, anxious for that call, so when she didn't answer, I knew something was wrong. And I was right. My mum turned up to collect me an hour late, bringing the news that Mama had had a heart attack and was in the hospital. She had been in intensive care for 24 hours, but hadn't wanted me to be told because she didn't want me to spend the flight worrying about her. She was waiting to see me before she would agree to have surgery. I went straight to the hospital, and a few hours later, Mama was having a stent put into one of her arteries. My Mama raised me; we are very close and I love her more than anyone or anything, so of course I spent the entire time in floods of tears and on my knees in prayer.

A couple of months before, we'd made plans to see the Soweto Gospel Choir on the 23rd - which now turned out to be just about 48 hours after her procedure. When Mama came out of the sedation, the first thing she said was, "We're still going to that concert." Those of you who've met my granny will know that while she seems like (and indeed is) a nice old lady, you really don't want to cross her. She's very much a fist of steel in a velvet glove. Characteristically, she would not budge. The doctor was forced to give her permission to leave the hospital for a few hours so she could go to this concert. She wasn't too pleased that he insisted we take along an oxygen tank and a portable defibrillator, but she accepted that was the only way she was getting her way. 

So we went, and the joy she got out of that evening was worth it all. She clapped, she sang along, she gave thanks to the Lord, and somehow, the spark within her grew brighter. I'm sure the Spirit filled her. She was uplifted, and she made a quicker recovery than anyone expected - in fact, she was home for Christmas.  

The SGC is special to me because their music speaks to my soul, and because of that night two Christmases ago.

They make my heart sing, and I hope yours will too.

TFTD

"Feelings are everywhere. Be gentle."

                                            - J Masai -

TFTD

"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all, but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess."

                                                                       - Martin Luther -

TFTD. It matters. You matter.

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not in the ocean, I think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."

                                                                                            - Mother Teresa -

TFTD

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

                                                                                              - Martin Luther King Jr. -

TFTD

"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world."

                                                                                 - Archbishop Desmond Tutu -

TFTD

"Faith means believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse."

                                                          -Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God -

Just be

"There is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and it's enough." (Richard Rohr)

I think my quality of life would improve tremendously if I could just internalise that, and live it. Of all the things I struggle with - and believe you me that's some list - this is the one I find myself wrestling the most, and it's probably the root of everything else. Richard Rohr also has this to say on the subject:

"It's a gift to joyfully recognise and accept our own smallness and ordinariness. Then you are free with nothing to live up to, nothing to prove, and nothing to protect. Such freedom is my best description of Christian maturity, because once you know that your "I" is great and one with God, you can ironically be quite content with a small and ordinary "I". No grandstanding is necessary. Any question of your own importance or dignity has already been resolved once and for all and forever."

How amazing is that? Because it's true: your "I" is great and one with God. That's the whole idea. He made you, and it's fine that you're not perfect. If He had wanted to make us perfect, whatever that means, I'm pretty sure God could have done it. But He made me how I am, and you how you are and He gave us free will, which by definition means we are going to mess up. And that's ok. 

As Christians, we are all on our way to a better version of us. Christ is our compass, and he points us towards healing and liberation. But on the way, we remain who we are. We have to make decisions, some of which are going to go against the grain of our inclinations and impulses, and we are going to make mistakes. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them, and keep checking the compass. If you choose to head due south, that's something else entirely. But look and Christ and his journey. Think of Christ on the cross, asking that very human question: My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? His words echo the beginning of Psalm 22, and in that context, these are not words of total despair. They are words of submission, but also of trust in the Lord. 

Christ on the cross was crucified as a man, but he never ceased to be God, suffering in our place. In disorder, imperfection and even pain, Jesus found God - and so can we. How can we doubt that we are loved, and that we are meant to be, in the face of an act of such love?

So, I will keep telling myself:  there is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and it's enough.

TFTD

Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair.

                                                                 - G.K. Chesterton -

TFTD

             If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

                                                                                             - Stephen Levine -

                                                                            

Postcards from God #5

TFTD

"There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle."

                                                                                                        - Robert Alden -
                                                          

Thought for the day

"I have been driven many time to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go."
                           - Abraham Lincoln -

Blessed be the Lord, because He has heard the voice of my supplications! The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with  my song I will praise Him. (Psalm 28:6-7, KJV)

The instant brother

Like many of my Christian friends, I wear a cross on a chain around my neck. It is an outward sign of my faith, but that's not the only reason I wear it. In fact, I don't think that's even the main reason. For me, it's a reminder of how I want to try to live my life, and that God is always with me - which in turn is a great comfort. It's an anchor, a talisman, a beacon. It's the world in a tiny piece of gold. And that little cross has brought me so many blessings.  

Today, I had a doctor's appointment, after which I wasn't feeling my best. My ride let me down at the last minute, due to unavoidable circumstances, so I headed to the taxi stand to catch a cab. That was the plan anyway, but I only made it halfway. There are worse places to faint than in a hospital, but I didn't want my hair all over that floor! I was leaning against the wall when a security guard making his rounds came by. He accelerated past me, and I thought no more of it. A couple of minutes later, he came bustling up with a chair! "You don't look so good, I think you'd better sit down, " he said. I sat, and he dashed off again, only to return with a cup of tea. He waited with me until I felt better, then asked how I was going to get home. When I told him he tsked, and told me that idea was a wash out - the heavy rain meant there was an endless queue and not a taxi in sight. I'd be waiting for at least an hour, maybe more. I said I had no choice, so I'd wait. The security guard pointed at my cross and said, "I can't abandon anyone, especially a sister in Christ! You wait, I'll sort this out."

He whipped out his phone and called his brother, who it turns out was a cabbie. 15 minutes later, I had my ride! While we waited, the security guard told me a little about himself, and how he believed God's grace had worked in his life. I won't repeat what he told me, but I will say I don't think I've ever met anyone with as much conviction as this man, or anyone who was so utterly filled with the joy of his faith, and so free of doubt. It was a blessing just to talk to him, and the quick prayer we said together was somehow particularly moving. It didn't matter that it was the middle of the day, a few feet away from a taxi queue seething with impatience. It was a beautiful, quiet, serene moment and I'm grateful this man crossed my path.

Postcards from God #4 - Beautiful

The warrior's gift

There once was a boy named Kimeli Naiyomah. A member of a Masai tribe, he grew up in a small rural town near the Masai Mara National Reserve in Kenya. The town had no water, roads, phones or electricity.  Kimeli had no father, his grandmother had been murdered, and his mother was battling alcoholism. One day, Kimeli went to the hospital with his ailing mother. He didn't know what the people who helped her were called, but he knew he wanted to be a healer, just like them. 

No one Kimeli knew had ever gone to school, much less to university. There was no such thing in his village. But Kimeli had a dream. He wanted to learn. So he ran away, to another village where he had heard children were being taught under a tree. What was under that tree was a church school, and it became Kimeli's school as well as his home. 

When he outgrew the school under the tree, Kimeli found the nearest secondary school - nine hours away on foot. He walked to the school and told the principal he had no money, no shoes, no books, no uniform and no family, but he wanted to learn. The principal welcomed him with open arms. 

By now, Kimeli knew the name of the person he wanted to become: Doctor. He started applying to universities in America, and the elders of his tribe got together and raised $5,000 to help him achieve his goal. A Washington Post reporter somehow got wind of Kimeli's story, and came to his village to write an article about him. The article inspired an outpouring of support, including a scholarship offer from the University of Orgeon, a plane ticket from a businessman in Florida, and clothes and other essentials paid for by yet another total stranger. 

Kimeli enrolled at the University of Oregon in 1996, and after getting his grades up, was later admitted to Stanford. Kimeli became a celebrity in Kenya. In September 2001 the President of Kenya was scheduled to be in New York and Kimeli was invited to meet him. That is how Kimeli came to be in New York on September 11, 2001. 

As a Masai warrior, Kimeli had been trained to run to the scene of a crisis, not away from it. He knew he could not help at Ground Zero, but he also knew he had to do something for the country that had given him so much. So, on a trip home in May 2002, Kimeli asked to meet the elders of his tribe. He told them all about 9/11, which many of his people hadn't even heard of. They could not imagine buildings so tall and had never seen an aeroplane. 

Kimeli wanted to buy a cow, the most precious property a Masai can own, and give it to the American people. In Kimeli's tradition, a cow is not only tremendously valuable, but is also thought to bring great comfort to its owner. Kimeli just wanted his elders' blessing, but the elders were so inspired by his plan that they wanted to do the same thing. In the end, 14 cows were pledged to America to help bring her peace. 

In June 2002, US charges d'affaires William Brencick travelled to Kimeli's village to formally accept the cows. More than a thousand people were in attendance, bearing messages of support like "We are touched by your loss" and "We give these cows to bring you peace".  But logistical and monetary problems prevented the US from taking possession of the cows. It would cost more than the cows were worth to transport them, and African cattle were not allowed in the US. There was also concern that the cows would not survive the journey. The Masai could not understand why the US accepted the gift but did not take the cows away. Washington Times columnist Tony Blankley wondered how the US could get 80,000 troops into Afghanistan but could not get 14 cattle out of Africa. 

Four years later, all was made right. The then-US Ambassador travelled to Kimeli's village to strike a deal for the tribe to take care of "America's herd" in perpetuity. In return, and in gratitude, the Ambassador announced the establishment of a scholarship for 14 boys and girls in the village to go to local schools. Those scholarships continue to this day, and the herd continues to grow. Since the original herd was blessed, they and their descendants are considered sacred and can never be slaughtered. Kimeli's tribe lovingly tends 35 "American cattle", all of which have special Twin Towers markings on their ears. 

Postcards from God #3 - It really isn't

Hope

A lot of the time, it seems so hard to hold on to any kind of hope, to any shred of optimism that things are going to get better. And if I did not have a belief that refuses to be shaken, I don't think I could do it. (Let it be said that I think that holds true whatever it is that you, believe. The thing is to have something that guides you, something to hold on to, whether it's the God of the Bible, Torah or Quran, the teachings of Buddha or the Bhagavad Gita. I just think human beings need some kind of compass, or why would so much of human endeavour be devoted to some kind of search for meaning?)

Anyway, I say it's my belief that refuses to be shaken, because it's certainly not me. Most of the time, I am weak, confused, terrified, desperate for answers and generally about as a stable as a weeping willow in a gale. But there is a tiny, tenacious something that lives inside me that is always quiet with the peace of certainty, always alive, and always strong enough to keep the million pieces of the rest of me together. And that something is not of my doing. It was a gift that was given to me without my asking, because the Giver loved me so much He gave his only son for me, and sticks with me even when I'm at my worst, and probably not very lovable. That's my personal explanation. It's ok if you don't agree, or believe what I do. It's not about everyone having to believe the exact same thing; I'm just telling you what it's like for me. It's incredibly comforting to know you are loved like that.

So, I have hope. And I have hope because I have faith, or rather because Faith has me, and "...faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune - without the words,
And never stops at all,


And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.


I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

                                            - Emily Dickinson - 

Postcards from God #2 - Mona Lisa

Postcards from God - #1

I believe

There are times in our lives when the world seems to be crumbling around us, when like Chicken Little we think the sky is falling, when it feels like if something can go wrong it will. Feeling like this, it's been hard to think of something positive to write. But I know it's not just me. Every day, people live with personal, community, and national struggles. The war(s) at home and abroad, unrest in the Arab nations, the fight for political transparency in Malaysia, and now the UK riots which for some of us have brought real fear to our doorsteps for the very first time - how sad it is that this isn't an exhaustive list of all the suffering we live with.

When we feel trapped in a downward spiral and are perilously close to dangling at the end of our rope with a fast-numbing hand, fear often takes hold of us. Fear persuades us that an improvement is next to impossible, that we are ensnared in a trap from which there is no escape. Fear fills the void left by hope. It doesn't matter how brave you are; fear somehow finds a way in. Feeling fear does not make you weak; facing it makes you strong.

On my bedroom wall, I have a post-it with the following verse:

"I believe in the sun
 Even when it does not shine,
I believe in love
Even when there's no one there,
And I believe in God
Even when He is silent."

Many of you will know, this is from the poem of belief, scrawled on the wall of a Nazi concentration camp by an anonymous Jewish prisoner. In response to a rant from me, my friend Bex sent me the full text of the poem as a source of support, encouragement and inspiration. So with thanks to Bex for the idea for this week's post, I'd like to share the poem with you here.

"I believe in the sun
even when it does not shine,
I believe in love
even when I am alone,
and I believe in God,
even when He is silent.

I believe through any trial
there is always a way,
but sometimes in this suffering
and hopeless despair
my heart cries for shelter,
to know someone is there.
But a voice rises within me, saying hold on
my child, I'll give you strength,
I'll give you hope. Just stay a little while.

I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining.
I believe in love
even when I am alone.
And I believe in God
even when He is silent.
I believe through any trial,
there is always a way.

May there someday be sunshine.
May there someday be happiness.
May there someday be love.
May there someday be peace."

(For those of you who look to the Bible for solace and guidance, Psalm 27 offers the same hope. "The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?")

Whatever you believe, keep hope alive.

May you be happy, and may you find peace.

The church playground

There is a church on a hill, about five minutes from my childhood home. If I stand at the front gate, I can see the madonna who gazes down from under the eaves, watching over the neighbourhood. This church sits on a sizeable piece of land, and behind the main building, there used to be an absolutely enormous playground. My grandfather took me there pretty much every day when I was little, carrying me up the hill on his shoulders; he's been gone for 19 years now, and I still miss seeing certain places from that 6'2" elevation.

That playground was amazing. Half of it was in a giant sandpit, and the other half was cushioned by a lush, velvety carpet of emerald grass dotted with baby's breath and some tiny purple flowers whose name I don't know. There were ladders and slides, a rope-plank bridge, swings, turreted towers and even a drawbridge. I was a bit of a tomboy and a bit of a princess and in that playground, I could be both. Or I could be Tarzan, a knight on a quest, the queen of the pirates and a princess strolling along the battlements - all in the same day. When we'd been going to the playground for a while, my grandfather started serving at mass - which meant that now I could play up on the altar as well! Those patient priests didn't seem to mind a 3-year-old crawling under the table while they were preparing communion and told the altar boys to take care not to knock me out with the incense burner. 

My playground was demolished a few years ago, to make room for more parking, but there's still a prayer garden in one corner. I was sitting there for the first time in years one day when Father A came and sat on the bench next to me. I hadn't seen him since my grandfather's memorial service, a year after his death, when I was still a child. But Father A had seen me from the vicarage window and somehow recognised me. 

All those years ago, Father A would come play a game or two with me in my playground, then sit and talk with Papa for what felt like ages. Now, he told me what they had spoken about - God, mainly. Then, Papa wasn't Christian. My grandmother would take me to church every Sunday, but he wasn't interested. He'd been married in church, and he'd come to my baptism, but that was it. Suddenly, he found himself talking to a Catholic priest every day. Then he was baptised and confirmed, started serving in church, and became a man of stronger faith than anyone else in the house, all of whom had lived in the church from the cradle. Just before he died, Papa told me that his faith had saved his life.

Father A told me he didn't think Papa would have been open to those conversations about God in any other context. He came to that playground because of me, he kept going for my sake, and he liked trusted Father A first of all because I did. Finally, Father A said, "He believed because he could see Christ in you."

That is a huge thing to hear, and I made a decision not to analyse it and talk myself out of believing it, only because I know that whatever I think or feel about myself, God's love for me is perfect. The point is, I didn't have to do anything to bring someone to God. All I had to do was be. And if that was my entire purpose, if that is all I ever "achieve", maybe that's ok. 

A very wise friend of mine, Zainab A, puts it this way: Everything counts. Just be, because you never know what small act you do is pleasing to God. As another wise friend, Emma C, reminded me: God knows what He is doing! 

And that is the point of the church playground. God really does know what He is doing. The thing is, we don't always see it, even if we are a part of something wonderful. This life we have been given is so beautiful, intricate and complex; we are always a part of something bigger, whether we are conscious of it or not. All we have to do is be whom we were made to be. 

You

First of all, my apologies for the radio silence. Most of you who read this will know that it's been a tough few months, and at times it's been physically impossible for me to update this blog. There have been other times however, that I haven't written because there's been too much going on in my head or heart, or it's been too intense. And that has been a mistake. The whole reason I started this blog was to remind myself, and others, that when things are looking down, even when your life seems like it is in teeny tiny little pieces and you can't see how you can ever put it back together, there is always something to be thankful for. I stand by that, because I genuinely believe it. That said, knowing that in your heart and really seeing and feeling it for yourself are two different things. 

You would think that the darker it is, the easier it should be to see even the faintest glimmer or light. But there are places where the darkness feels literally all consuming and the light seems to have less of a chance than a snowball in hell. To accept that is to underestimate the light. There is nowhere it cannot shine. And before I write about any of the myriad other blessings that have continued to turn up even when I thought the darkness was winning, it is imperative that I say thanks for the most important one. 

You. In no particular order:

Emma C, who has been praying and texting and loving me every single day - and letting me know. 

Tim D and Jane S, who it is not an exaggeration to say saved my life. 

Nadine G and Narissa R, who have been faithful, loving friends for quite a while now, and whom I know will always be there for me. Thank you for standing by me. 

Egle, my darling, multi-talented, fun, loving, loyal, amazing friend. Thank God for you.

Zoya, endlessly patient with me and so giving. Hooray for the scary meeting! You and Hassan are generous and hilarious :) And please tell Hassan I want another sing-along. 

Marcus S, nothing can replace the weekly coffees and putting the world to rights, and I hope we can resume them soon! But that's the least of what a good friend you've been. 

Rupert S, my fellow foodie, you might be the most entertaining person I've ever met, and that's helped a lot in the past couple of years. Your discipline and talent are an inspiration.
Zainab A, my soul sister. You have helped me grow in my faith so much.

Siobhan G, you have the biggest heart, and how you make me laugh :) And thanks for coming to church with me. 

Shanon S, omg, where to start? Possibly with the day we took a bus to Denmark Hill?

Amy M, I'm so glad we found each other :) Tea, prayer, long chats, a good laugh and so much more. You're beautiful, outside and in. 

Liz W, so intelligent and so caring. You and Amy will make wonderful lady-vicars! Coffee, hugs, scandalising men at the next table trying to have dinner, Knitterati...the list goes on. 

Bex W, you've been a star. All the sharing helped me work so many things out, and I'm sure BT was v sad when we switched to Skype!

Till A, thank you for the music, and the friendship. You know, I hope.
Rosie W, for lunches by the river, chats with horsies, and a very special weekend at Wantage. 

Elizabeth S, how wise you are. 

Robert C, isn't it lucky you didn't mind that a strange woman randomly insisted on hugging you? And you may be the most naturally talented knitter in the world. Ever. 

Jack D, my brother in Christ :)
Rowan A, you are so gifted, and so giving. And you appear to have a hollow leg...

Polly P, one of the v v v few people who talks as much as I do!

Adam and Hubert, whom I know will always be there, any time, no matter what. Even though I hardly see you!
Wendy T, thanks for reminding me that if DHS can't kill you, nothing can!
Tracey C, you are such a strong woman, and I am SO glad you are on my side. You're the best thing Welsh Boy ever did for me! And Tina P-J is a nice bonus :)

Alyshea K, guaranteed giggles, need I say more?

Sister Barbara Claire and all the amazing sisters at Wantage, who bless everyone they cross paths with so much love, prayer and such a safe, peaceful space.

I've probably missed out a load of people, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. It just means I'm a ditz. 

It ain't no crystal stair, but you've got to keep climbing

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

                                                            -Langston Hughes, "Mother to Son"-

Giving up, and taking on

At the beginning of this Lent, like so many Lents before, I thought long and hard about a) whether I should give something up, and b) if so, what? Now I don't have that conversation with myself because I don't want to give up something I enjoy, but it has always seemed hollow to me to, for example, give up chocolate for the sake of giving something up for Lent. Not that I take any decision involving chocolate lightly! The presence of chocolate in my life has probably been a major contributing factor to my not whacking someone over the head when they enraged me, and chocolate is definitely part of the glue that helps to mend a broken heart. In my world anyway. 

But the point is, if I am giving up anything for Lent, why am I doing it? Like so many Christians around the world, I have done it in the name of fasting - almost without thinking about it. We sacrifice something as part of the process of remembering the sacrifice Christ made for us. But there came a time when that, in and of itself, began not to sit very well with me. It was not going far enough - by which I do not mean that there was not enough "suffering" in the equation; it was simply that I felt there was another step which I needed to take for this to be a meaningful exercise. 

And I think what was making me uncomfortable was this focus on giving something up, as if that was where the buck stopped. I give something up, I've done my bit? No. I give something up to remind me of Christ's sacrifice - yes. But what does His sacrifice mean? Why did He do it? What implications does that have for how I live my life? Now we're on to something. 

So, what is really important, to me, is my relationship with the living God. That sacrifice was made so I could live, which means for me, Lent is about taking a good hard look at what God really wants us to be doing, how He really wants us to be living. 

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"

                                                                                     -Isaiah 58:6-7-

So, I am giving things up in order to make room for something else. I am trying to give up the things that are getting in the way of my relationship with God, and to take up things that bring me closer to Him. 

I will give up chocolate that is made on the backs of the working poor, that enslaves children and puts them in dangerous working conditions. And I will take up Fairtrade chocolate. 

I will cut down on Facebook time. And I will take up a pen and a piece of paper, and write a note to someone I love, to an old friend, to someone sick or someone lonely. 

I will cut down on TV or whatever else I use to distract myself. And I will talk to my granny with more attention, take up stronger relationships, give more time to prayer. 

I will try to give up resentment, and I will take up love. 

I will try to give up shame and guilt, and I will take up my inheritance as a child of God.