God's creatures

Sunday morning, the last day of our retreat was lovely. I should say first that the whole experience was moving, due in no small part to our brilliant chaplain, who was leading us and had clearly put a lot of love and hard work into his preparation - besides putting up with us being silly on the drive up and down, and being made to listen to ABBA :) There's christian endurance for you! J put it best - "it's lovely to see someone shining so brightly in their vocation".

Anyway, I thought I'd have a little quiet time after Lauds and breakfast (around 8am). So I opened the window to let the world in, then closed my eyes and had a word with God. And when I opened my eyes, there was, I kid you not, a robin sitting on the window sill, staring at me with his bright little onyx eyes. Above the radiator, where it was nice and warm. I didn't want to scare him away, so I stayed as still as possible and looked back at him.

We sat like that for maybe 10 minutes, me looking at him and him looking at me. Then, because I can never help myself, I started having a little chat with him. If you know me, this is less crazy than it sounds. I will talk to pretty much anyone or anything, including random people on the bus, dogs, myself, and any equipment that is either not functioning or is being unexpectedly cooperative. So why not talk to a robin?

I told him some stuff I was thinking, and I read him a poem - he seemed like he was listening. He turned to look at me as I walked around the room. When it was time for Eucharist, I said goodbye and left the window open for him.

Much later, when it was time to leave and I went to collect my stuff, he was still there. I didn't want to shoo him away, so I just put my hand palm up on the sill beside him, thinking that would probably make him decide it was time to leave before the crazy lady got too close. But did he fly away? No. He hopped onto my hand! I wish I could have taken a picture, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't going to hang around while I got my camera and flashed it in his face. Instead I picked him  and reached out of the window, and he finally flew away.

I could tell you everything that experience has made me think and feel since, but that would spoil it for both of us. Some things are just wonderful, and that's good enough.

                                                        

                                                        

God Says Yes to Me

I went away on retreat this weekend, and it was a truly blessed experience for many reasons, among them our wonderful retreat leader and my fantastic fellow retreatants :) You know when people say you can feel the love in a room? Well there was lots of that, literally. There were enough wonderful things about this weekend to fill several blog posts, but I'm too tired to get into details right now - I'll spread it out over the next few days. For now, I want to share this poem, which cheered me up immensely in the midst of all the serious thinking:

God Says Yes to Me - Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don’t paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

I like the idea of a God who calls me "sweetcakes"...

The stranger on the train

I'm a great one for chatting to complete strangers, at bus stops, on the tube, in the supermarket, waiting for a table at a restaurant...if there's an opportunity for a chat, chances are I'll grab it. And it usually turns out really well. As a direct result of my little habit, I've heard life stories, petted dogs, been given knitting tips and recipe ideas, and on one memorable occasion, I was offered (and accepted) a ride down the Strand in a horse-drawn carriage!

Today though, sitting on the train just before rush hour, I didn't feel very chatty. Stuff that had been churning in my mind for days started to settle, and things were rising to the surface. So I was pensive. Opposite me was one of those...comfortable looking people. You know what I mean? Those people whom you could easily imagine yourself having a cup of tea with, the human equivalent of your favourite plush easy chair. (Aside: there is one person who occupies just this kind of space in my life. It's easier to relax with him than with anyone else sometimes, and he is just completely safe and comfortable. He's good fun, and has become a dear friend, and I'm really thankful that God put him in my life.)

Anyway, gushing over, I return to my story. This nice comfortable person on the train sat there looking at me from Waterloo to Vauxhall without saying a word. Then, just before Clapham Junction, he leaned forward and said, "I don't know what's wrong, but whatever it is, you're not alone. God is with you all the time, no matter what. And I hope you have a blessed day."

It didn't feel intrusive, although it could very easily have. It just felt like something I needed to hear at that moment, and I didn't realise until I heard it. And it was just nice that someone bothered to make the effort to reach out.

The nice guy in the bookstore

Today was a day of running errands, most of them exceedingly tedious and all of them crowded into the space between rush hour and where lunch would have been, had I not been running around like a headless chicken.

By the time I entered the last shop I needed, I was ready to drop. And if what happened next is anything to go by, I suppose it showed. I was in one of a chain of bookstores, hereinafter "W". The guy at the till was friendly and chatty, and we had quite a long conversation about one of the books I was buying, which happened to be a staff pick he had recommended. Anyway, while I was punching in my PIN, he suddenly said, "I don't mean this in a bad way, but you look really tired. I have a break coming up - would you like a cup of tea?"

I said yes, and the nice man made us each a cup of tea, then we sat between the stacks at the back of the store, sipping Earl Grey and talking about books. Fifteen minutes later, we said goodbye and that was that. The nice guy had no motive; he was just being nice. He made my day, that man, by offering a cup of tea to a stranger just because.

The random bouquet

I came home today to find this lovely bunch of flowers waiting for me, sent to me by my friend R. It's not my birthday, they're not apology flowers, or thank you flowers. They are, as the card says, "just because".

R and I have been friends for years, but sometimes months go by without us seeing each other, or even speaking. Which is fine. We have one of those friendships that keeps going anyway, and we can always pick up where we left off with no trouble. I don't have to talk to R to know that he thinks of me, and vice versa. Even if it's been months, if I phone R any time day or night and say I need him, I know he'll be over in a flash. And I would do the same for him.

All the same, it's nice to know that he was thinking of me, and that he cared enough to do something to brighten my day "just because". R knows I adore getting flowers, and it doesn't happen often enough for my liking! He knew it would make me happy, and I'm touched and grateful that I have people in my life who will do little things like this for me, for no reason other than that they care and want to let me know they do. I knew anyway of course, but it's always nice to be told!

A hug

I'm not talking about the quick hug hello (although that can be very nice indeed), and I'm definitely not talking about the "social hug". You know, the one people give away like a handshake, the one that doesn't mean anything, that's just the habit in certain circles - the hug equivalent of the air kiss. 

No, this is the hug someone gives you when they really mean it. It's the kind of hug you might get from a good friend, a parent or a lover; a squeeze that brings with it plenty of affection and an inexplicable sense of comfort. It can say: 

-I'm so glad you're here;

- Your friendship is important to me and I love you;

- I'm sorry you're having a hard day;

-It's going to be ok;

- I don't know if it's going to be ok, but I'm here for you; 

-I'm sorry;

-Congratulations!

-I think you're amazing;

-I love you; 

-I love you;

-I love you;

-Just because.

The best thing that happened to me today was getting a hug, from someone who just knew I needed one.  It was a little thing, and it cost nothing, but it meant a lot to me. It was an anchor, something to hold on to  when I felt like I was about to be swept away in the current of circumstances beyond my control. And I feel blessed today, because of a hug.

The Father's Love Letter

Dear Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. (Ps 139:1)
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2)
I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3)
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-30)
For you were made in my image. (Genesis 1:27)
In me you live and move and have your being. For you are my offspring. (Acts 17:28)
I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5)
I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12)
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15-16)
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. (Acts 17:26)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
I knit you together in your mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13)
And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6)
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me. (John 8:41-44)
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (I John 4:16)
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. (I John 3:1)
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. (I John 3:7)
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11)
For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48)
Every good gift you receive comes from my hand. (James 1:17)
For I am your provider and I meet your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Psalm 139:17-18)
And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40)
For you are my treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5)
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.(Jeremiah 32:41)
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
For if you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29)
So, Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)
For it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13)
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)
For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18)
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. And I will take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.(Revelation 21:3-4)
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. (John 17:23)
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26)
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. (2 Corinthians 5;18-19)
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. (I John 4:10)
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. (Romans 8:31-32)
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (I John 2:23)
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. (Romans 8:38-29)
When it’s time for you to Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. (Luke 15:7)
I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15)
My question is….Will you be my child? (John 1:12-13)
I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)
With Love, 
Your Father, Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications 
© 1999-2010 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

The cheerful tube announcer

It was 9.15am, and I was standing on the westbound Jubilee platform at Waterloo, waiting for my train. So were the usual assortment of variously morose, grumpy and sullen commuters, all plugged into their ipods, staring with glazed eyes into the pages of their trashy novels, “intellectual” books, or ubiquitous free tabloids, or gazing  un-seeingly into the middle distance. Anything to avoid eye contact.

Then something amazing happened. A platform announcement. But this was not just any platform announcement. This was a platform announcement with a difference.

A pleasant American (or possibly Canadian) male voice came over the loudspeakers, beginning with the run-of-the-mill observation that a train was approaching and informing us all of its ultimate destination:

“Gooood morning ladies and gentlemen, the westbound Jubilee line train for Neasden is now approaching, ” he said, as if the circus was coming to town instead of the tube. “Please stand back from the doors and allow your fellow travellers to alight first.” Already, people were beginning to look bemused, I suppose just because the Voice sounded so…cheerful. Not annoyingly so, you understand. Nothing too in-your-face for the time of day. Just…nice. A few people actually made eye contact at this point, and smiled!

The nice young man went on to say, ” And wherever your travels may take you today, be safe, do good work and have a lovely-jubbly day!” Now there was a pleased ripple of laughter. I suppose people were just so surprised to hear such a friendly voice in that context. How many of us have well-wishes for those we actually come into contact with, never mind a bunch of total strangers seen only dimly, if at all, on a tiny screen displaying the CCTV feed?

On the train, a lady turned to me and said, “Let’s see if he can keep that up all day!” I don’t know about all day, but when I passed through Waterloo station again two hours, via the eastbound Jubilee line platform this time, the same young man was still making the platform announcements. And he still sounded like he was smiling.

Chaplaincies

My personal blessing for today is an on-going one. Chaplaincies in general, and my university chaplaincy in particular.

The first time I spoke to my college chaplain, I was having a bad day, in the middle of a bad week, in the midst of a bad month. I really felt as if my life was falling to pieces. And suddenly, it popped into my head that the place to go to was the chaplaincy, even though I'd never been involved with them. So I turned up outside the chaplain's office, which was shut, and decided to camp there until the chaplain returned. It just wasn't possible for me to be anywhere else. I felt like it was the only safe place in the world.

When the chaplain turned up, he sat with me, listened, let me cry, and then prayed with me - even though I'd cornered him half an hour before college Eucharist, not the best time. It was that kindness that made it possible for me to get through the day.

Our chaplaincy is a blessing that gives every day. It means there is always a place to go and just be, always someone who will listen and try to help or just sit with you, always someone who will join their heart with yours in prayer, always someone who will make you a cup of tea and offer you a biscuit! It is friendly, loving and prayerful, and a lot of fun.

So, I am thankful for this chaplaincy, its chaplains and the work they do, and for all those in universities, hospitals, prisons, airports, military camps and war zones, all over the world.