Just be

"There is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and it's enough." (Richard Rohr)

I think my quality of life would improve tremendously if I could just internalise that, and live it. Of all the things I struggle with - and believe you me that's some list - this is the one I find myself wrestling the most, and it's probably the root of everything else. Richard Rohr also has this to say on the subject:

"It's a gift to joyfully recognise and accept our own smallness and ordinariness. Then you are free with nothing to live up to, nothing to prove, and nothing to protect. Such freedom is my best description of Christian maturity, because once you know that your "I" is great and one with God, you can ironically be quite content with a small and ordinary "I". No grandstanding is necessary. Any question of your own importance or dignity has already been resolved once and for all and forever."

How amazing is that? Because it's true: your "I" is great and one with God. That's the whole idea. He made you, and it's fine that you're not perfect. If He had wanted to make us perfect, whatever that means, I'm pretty sure God could have done it. But He made me how I am, and you how you are and He gave us free will, which by definition means we are going to mess up. And that's ok. 

As Christians, we are all on our way to a better version of us. Christ is our compass, and he points us towards healing and liberation. But on the way, we remain who we are. We have to make decisions, some of which are going to go against the grain of our inclinations and impulses, and we are going to make mistakes. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them, and keep checking the compass. If you choose to head due south, that's something else entirely. But look and Christ and his journey. Think of Christ on the cross, asking that very human question: My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? His words echo the beginning of Psalm 22, and in that context, these are not words of total despair. They are words of submission, but also of trust in the Lord. 

Christ on the cross was crucified as a man, but he never ceased to be God, suffering in our place. In disorder, imperfection and even pain, Jesus found God - and so can we. How can we doubt that we are loved, and that we are meant to be, in the face of an act of such love?

So, I will keep telling myself:  there is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and it's enough.