TFTD - Dare to hope

"If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes."

                                                                                       - Clement of Alexandria -

TFTD - Everybody hurts, sometimes

"If you do not transform your pain, you will always transmit it."

                                                                                   - Richard Rohr -

TFTD - Sing it loud, sing it proud

"We need the whole song, all the verses and the choruses to serve us as our own story unfolds because- trust me - life is hard, but God is good."

                                                                                             - Gloria Gaither -

TFTD - Calling once, calling twice

"God doesn't call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, then He qualifies them."

                                                                                             - Richard Parker -

TFTD - Inside voice

"God speaks more frequently in persistent whispers than in shouts."


                                                                           - Life Application Study Bible -

TFTD - Present

"In every place where you find the imprint of men's feet there am I."

                                                                                          - The Talmud -

TFTD - the "mistake" might turn out to be the most beautiful part

"Many of the world's finest Oriental rugs come from little villages in the Middle East, China, or India.  These rugs are hand-produced by crews of men and boys under direction of a master weaver.  They work from the underside of the rug-to-be.  It frequently happens that a weaver absentmindedly makes a mistake and introduces a color that is not according to the pattern.  When this occurs, the master weaver, instead of having the work pulled out in the order to correct the color sequence, will find some way to incorporate the mistake harmoniously into the overall pattern.  In weaving our lives, we can lean to take unexpected difficulties and mistakes and weave them advantageously in the greater overall patterns of our lives.  There is an inherent good in most difficulties."

                                                                          - Norman Vincent Peale -

TFTD - Ain't no mountain high enough

"No storm is so great, no wave is so high, no sea is so deep, no wind is so strong, that Jesus cannot either calm it or carry us through it." 

                                                                                   - Anne Graham Lotz -

TFTD - optimism

"I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed towards the sun, one's feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not an could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death."

                                                  - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom -

TFTD - On the rock

"The steps of faith fall on the seeming void but find the rock beneath."

                                                                        - John Greenleaf Whittier -

Do not be afraid

Do you ever get the sense that someone is trying to tell you something? I have spent a lot of time, especially in the last five or so years, wishing and hoping and praying that God would speak to me, give me direction, explain a few things - explain everything. I've always been a woman with a plan (usually at least a ten year plan) and I find it really difficult to not know what is coming next. For most of my life, I have fought, hard, to maintain as much control as possible over those aspects of living I thought I could control. I worked hard and tried my best, and expected things to turn out well because I had always been told that if I did what I was supposed to, if I did what was expected of me, I would get what I was striving for. 

And it worked, for a while. I accumulated degree after degree, and kept waiting for the happiness to kick in. I did all the things I was supposed to, and could not understand why that unspecified, nebulous something wonderful I was waiting for didn't seem to be materialising. Then the concrete markers of success began to fail me; or rather, I felt that I was beginning to fail - at life in general. I couldn't seem to achieve enough any more. After years of being a super-achiever, I seemed to hit a brick wall. My best was no longer good enough, for myself or for those I had been trying to please. Worst of all, I didn't really know why I was doing any of it. 

So, I started asking myself what I wanted (I'm not sure I know the answer yet by the way). And that led me, mercifully quickly, to asking what God wanted of and for me. Which led me to pleading for a word, a sign, something! Because discernment is hard (as so many of you know)! It is hard to try to hear what God might be saying to you, to listen to what you know or are discovering about yourself, to face what others have to tell you about yourself. What if you are asked to go in a direction you are not inclined to follow? What if it makes you uncomfortable, or doesn't match the plans and expectations you had for yourself? What if people say things to you about yourself you find difficult to just to hear, let alone truly confront? But how will you change and grow if you don't face these things? And you know what the really challenging thing is?

"In obedience to discernment, more discernment will come. We need to be attentive and alert in order to hear and understand God's call and then act, knowing that God blesses even our mistakes." (Unknown)

Well! That's all very well, but it's really challenging for a control-freak, type A personality like myself! And therein lies the rub: control. Or rather, relinquishing control. Anyone attempting any form of discernment (spiritual, directional, practical etc) is sooner or later going to come across some form of advice on getting out of one's comfort zone, making a leap of faith, letting go of whatever you've been holding on to so tightly... you get the picture. I don't know about you, but I find letting go absolutely terrifying. I have often thought that if I could get to the place where I can genuinely hand everything over to God, I would be so much happier. 

Because what a wonderful idea, what a generous offer! Hand it all over to God. Trust in Him. How positively restful! But much as I want to, I just. Can't. Do. It. I fight to retain some semblance of control, even as life proves to me how futile that is. And for me, what it all boils down to is fear. Fear of letting go, fear of failing, fear of the unknown, fear of disappointing everyone, fear that I am going to make some horrible, catastrophic, irreversible mistake. Fear that I am somehow going to lose everyone and everything. Nameless, bottomless, all-consuming fear.

Which is madness (but very human). What do I, who am so loved by my Father that He made the ultimate sacrifice for me, really have to fear? Sure, nasty things happen, but that is not the sum of the human experience. The cross did not make Christ's life less. 

So, what has God been saying to me? I haven't got the answer I've been praying for - but that might be because I'm asking the wrong question, or because I haven't learnt how to listen. There is still a lot of noise in my head and my heart drowning out the still small voice of the One who loves me. But what I have been told, again and again, in one form or another, is this: Do not be afraid. In preparing this blog post alone I randomly came across the following (and quite a bit more):

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." (Corrie Ten Boom)

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

"Do not be afraid. Our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift." (Dante Alighieri, Inferno)

It might not be the answer I was looking for (I do so love specifics). But it is what I need to hear, to comfort me, to strengthen me, and to move me forward. It is what I keep hearing, and so it is what I feel I have to share with you. Do no be afraid.

"None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. because we have Faith." (Paulo Coelho, Brida).

TFTD - We can be heroes

"God is preparing His heroes; and when the opportunity comes, he can fit them into their places in a moment, and the world will wonder where they came from."

                                                                           - A. B. Simpson -

TFTD - He knows the way even when you don't

“I was not sure where I was going, and I could not see what I would do when I got [there]. But you saw further and clearer than I, and you opened the seas before my ship, whose track led me across the waters to a place I had never dreamed of, and which you were even then preparing to be my rescue and my shelter and my home.”

                                   - Thomas Merton, The Seven Story Mountain -

I choose gratitude

When I started writing this blog, I had nothing more, or less, in mind than gratitude. Simply to be thankful for all the good things in my life, each and every one of which has been given to me, directly or indirectly, by the grace of God. I intended to write as a reminder (mainly to myself) that even in a day that looked utterly dreadful, there was always something, if only a fleeting moment, that was good and wonderful. That  every day contained a blessing, and each day was itself a blessing.

Life is complicated though ( a blessing in itself, though if often doesn't feel that way), and it has been very hard at times to keep sight of the blessings, or, for that matter, to spot them at all. Illness, sadness, disappointment, loss, anger... they can seem so all-consuming, so much bigger than the little things that make us smile. But in the end, the little things are infinitely more powerful than any catastrophe that life can throw at us. Those of you who know me will know that I don't say that lightly, nor do I think that it makes the awful things that happen any less painful. Life hurts. But I thank God I can feel pain, because it means I'm alive. I thank God for the heartache, because it means I love and I hope. I thank God that even when I feel like I'm running on empty, my reserves are somehow replenished so that I am given the strength to carry on, and to do things I never would have thought possible. 

I thank God that I can get angry with Him, and I can ask Him "why?", and still He stays with me and keeps on loving me. I thank God that even when I handle my life and my self so badly, He forgives me and reminds me that His gift, once given, is for all eternity. I thank God for crying with me, and not minding (too much) when my prayers are full of complaints and requests and I might be forgetting to give as much as I could be. I thank God for taking all the pain I pile on Him, and for hurting more so I suffer less. I thank God for walking beside me when I wake and for watching over me as I sleep. I thank God for never giving up on me, even when I feel like giving up on myself. 

I thank God for loving me, which is the most blessed thing anyone could ever do.

Henri Nouwen writes, "Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice. I can choose to be grateful even when my emotions and feelings are still steeped in hurt and resentment. it is amazing how many occasions present themselves in which I can choose gratitude instead of a complaint...I can choose to speak about goodness and beauty, even when my inner eye still looks for someone to accuse or something to call ugly."

I choose gratitude. 

What I learned from my dog

Yesterday, on the first day of the new year, my dog passed away. He had been with me for 18 years, having spent his first year abandoned before we rescued him - just as he was running out of time and the SPCA was about to put him down. Max was saved, and though he was "only" a dog, his life had purpose and meaning. He was part of a plan, and his life has shown me how crucial we can be to God's plan, even if we don't know it; even if we do nothing else but simply live. 

Max taught me so many things - even if it did take me some time to recognise some of them. He taught me:-

* That true love really doesn't think of itself. He was fiercely protective, and in turn, I would have done anything for him.

* That sometimes, love means letting go.

* To love with my whole heart.

* To always be happy to see the people I love.

* To smile a lot.

* Never to hold a grudge. (He was really good at this; I am still working on it!)

* To forgive, quickly and willingly - though that doesn't mean allowing people to walk all over you time and again. He was no pushover :)

* To approach each new day and every new experience with enthusiasm - even the walk he took pretty much every day of his life was utterly thrilling to him, every single time.

* To be grateful for the small things. I've never met anyone so happy to be given a single scoop of vanilla ice cream :)

* To show affection to the ones I care for, freely and often.

* To be patient (no one was as patient as Max waiting for us to finish what we were doing and take him for a walk / to the park / for a drive. That dog could out-wait the most determined procrastinator... And he was so patient when he fell ill it inspired me even while it broke my heart.)

* To be tolerant.

* To never give up, but to know when to let go.

* To be strong, but to know it's not weak to lean on someone else.
* To be brave, and it's ok to be afraid.

* To share, no matter how much or how little I have.

* To think of others.

* To be sensitive to how others feel, and to freely offer sympathy and a hand (paw) to hold.

* To just be there for those I love, unfailingly.

* To give lots of cuddles.

* To be humble.

* To trust and have faith. Max never doubted that I would love him and keep him safe. If my little dog could have such absolute faith in me, why do I have trouble putting my life in God's hands as completely and willingly as Max put his in mine?

* To be loyal.

* To never be afraid to show my joy - or to share my sadness with those who love me.

* To feel the wind and the sunshine on my face and rejoice, just because. 

* To take pleasure in every meal, and just enjoy it for what it is.

* To get enough sleep!

* To protect and defend those I love. 

* To live in the moment. Max had mastered this, and I think a lot of his happiness came from this place! This is a big one, and I'm going to keep trying because so much comes from this one thing.

* What you look like doesn't matter. It's what's in your heart, and in your soul (though Max was utterly gorgeous). 

* What someone else looks like, how much they know or what they have really really doesn't matter - what does matter is their heart and how they treat you.
* Things don't matter. People do.

* To treat others with respect.

* To be silly sometimes.

* To play, every chance I get.

* To laugh, a lot.

* To be kind.

* To enjoy every day to its fullest, whether you are deaf, blind, ill, in a wheelchair or in pain. Max enjoyed life right to the very end, and se he got every last possible atom of joy out of it, and gave even more.

* To give more than you receive.

*To be thankful.

* To sit under the shade of a tree on a hot day now and then.

* To do nothing from time to time, but just be, and not feel guilty about it.

* To accept praise, attention and recognition without excusing it away.

* To accept love without minimising it.

* To accept that I am worthy of love without questioning it.

Just by living, Max taught me all this and much much more. Not bad for a little dog, huh?

My darling Max, always smiling

At rest, in his favourite place, under the most fragrant flowering tree in the garden

Postcards from God #6

TFTD -No way to lose

"I mean you can’t lose in this game. You can’t go wrong. It’s not part of the plan. There’s no way not to get where you are going. There’s no way to miss your destination. If God is your target, you’re in luck, because God is so big, you can’t miss."

                                                            - Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God -

Lord, You've got the love I need to see me through

Sometimes I feel like

throwing my hands up in the air.

I know I can count on You. 

Sometimes I feel like saying

"Lord I just don't care", 

but You've got the love I need

to see me through.

Sometimes it seems that

the going is just too rough,

and things go wrong

no matter what I do.

Now and then I feel

that life is just too much, 

but You've got the love I need

to see me through.

When food is gone

You are my daily meal;

when friends are gone

I know my Saviour's love is real.

Your love is real.

Every once in a while

I say "Lord I can't go on"; 

every once in a while

I get to feeling blue;

every once in a while

it seems like I am all alone, 

but You got the love I need

to see me through.

Occasionally 

my thoughts are brave and friends are few.

Occasionally

I cry out "Lord what must I do?"

Occasionally

I call out "Master make me new" - 

You've got the love I need 

to see me through.

Sometimes I feel like

throwing my hands up in the air.

I know I can count on You. 

Sometimes I feel like saying

"Lord I just don't care", 

but You've got the love I need

to see me through.

* You Got the Love, The Source feat. Candi Staton

A Psalm of Life

Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Finds us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solenm main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labour and to wait.

                                               - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow -


*The further on I get in my life and in my journey, the more this poem means to me. It says everything I want to say and more; it's everything I try for.

TFTD -Which do you feed the most?

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, 'The one I feed the most.'"

                                                                                   - George Bernard Shaw -